My Type A personality doesn’t typically afford me the luxury of giving up on something I’ve committed to achieving. Winning is in my blood. It’s a trait that Charlie Sheen and I share. (Thankfully, it’s the ONLY trait that Charlie Sheen and I share).
So, when I decided to start a company, rather than quit my full-time job, I did what any overachieving masochist would do — both. I could put in 50 hour weeks while also launching a start up, raising a five year old, and running a household, couldn’t I? Of course I could.
Until I couldn’t.
This realization occurred earlier this morning. The day’s agenda looked something like this: wake at 6am, work until 8am, drop son at school, workout for an hour, work all day, meet with a local VC firm, pickup son from school, make dinner, go to an open house at my son’s new school, and then work until I go to sleep. I was frantically rushing G out the door so that I’d make my workout and had no time to spare. He was moving fairly quickly but got waylaid contemplating which color of finger paint he should bring to school.
“Just choose one,” I snapped. “We have to go NOW.”
He pouted down the stairs, no paint in hand, and started putting his sneakers on. “You’re mean,” he said.
He was right. I was mean. The stress of all the things I had to do was bubbling up. It was workout time on my schedule, not parenting time, and I was frantically trying to keep my day on track so I could get it all done. In making time for everything, I didn’t have enough time for anything. Each commitment was encroaching on the next leaving no buffer, no flexibility for things not going exactly according to plan. Worst of all, I was applying that rigidity to parenting. And my son was suffering.
It was a realization that I have to make some changes. I’m not yet sure what or how, but, as the title of this post says, something’s gotta give.