I am so sick of people peeing all over my house. (And no, we’re not talking about my Ex being drunk.)

My soon-to-be three year old does this Jekyll and Hyde act. At school, he parades around in a dry diaper all day, politely using the potty whenever the urge strikes him. His teachers insist he is potty-trained and want to move him up to the next classroom where the kids no longer where diapers.

I refuse. Why, you ask? Well, once home, Mr. Potty Trained turns into a peeing machine. We put him in underwear - he peed right through them. We put him in pull-ups training pants - he adjusted himself such that he was able to pee outside the training pants without actually wetting himself. While very resourceful, he did wind up wetting my couch.

We make the potty available to him. We encourage him to use the potty instead of diapers / pull-ups / underwear. I’ve even bribed the kid with ice cream. (In my defense, my Ex bribed him with a pet goldfish.) Nothing.

Does anyone out there have any potty-training tips for me? I am getting really, really tired of waking up to the sound of “Uh-oh, Mommy. I peed on my bed.”