When my son began taking his own diaper off and peeing in his crib last week, the Ex and I decided it was time to convert his crib into a “Big Boy Bed” so that he could access the potty as needed.

I thought that having the ability to walk into the bathroom would stop the peeing everywhere. Unfortunately, the only thing it stopped was Gavin going to sleep. With the ability to get out of bed, Gavin now enjoys the freedom to play - and pee! - all evening.

Bedtime happens around 8:30 pm in our house. Since converting his crib into a toddler bed, my son has fallen asleep at approximately 12:30 am each night. During the four hours in between, he gets out of his crib 20 - 30 times, “uses” the potty approximately 7 - 8 times, and pees all over his room approximately 3 - 4 times. The saddest part of this is that I am not exaggerating these numbers. Trust me, I wish I were.

The Ex and I don’t know what to do. We tried taking toys away - didn’t work. We tried turning his light off (since he likes to sleep with it on) - he just got out of bed and turned it back on. Finally, we took away Sarah, his precious stuffed dog. That did the trick, but not before Gavin had a full-on, catastrophic meltdown, reaffirming our belief that we are the worst parents in the Universe.

If there are any parents out there whose two year-olds actually stay in their beds, please, for the love of all that is holy, share your secrets with me!

The recently proposed stop-gap for the banking and economic crisis we’re facing is expected to cost upwards of 1 trillion dollars. That’s 12 zeros. A whole lot of money.

I’ve been hearing a lot of (stupid) conservatives complain that this is a terrible idea and that we shouldn’t be bailing out companies for making bad business decisions. While I empathize with their frustrations, I vehemently disagree over whether the government should “bail out” these financial institutions. All these naysayers see are more taxes - which will be inevitable, no matter which party we elect in November (regardless of how much Sarah “I don’t think economics is a prerequisite for the Vice Presidency” Palin says otherwise). What they don’t see are the exponentially worse consequences that we’d face if we didn’t prevent these institutions from failing. For its not the actual companies that Congress is working to save, it’s the very stability of the US economy.

At the same time, the Ex and I are considering buying a condo. It’s not that we’re stupid - we understand just how bad the housing situation is right now. But there is a condo right across the street from us being auctioned off by its owners. They’re starting the bidding at $249,000 for a property that is easily worth twice that much, even in the current housing environment. I doubt we’d get it at the price we’re willing and able to pay, but we’ll see. I’ve got my fingers crossed!

Okay, I’m mad. I’m sick and tired of stupid people making stupid decisions that have tremendous impact on our country.

McCain and Obama are neck and neck in the polls right now, despite McCain’s seemingly obvious onset of senility, despite Sarah “Putin is My Neighbor” Palin, despite the Republicans lack of a concrete economic plan, and despite a campaign that even Karl Rove himself said has gone too far.

Any intelligent person can see that McCain-Palin is a horrible choice for our country. It’s such a bad option that it would almost be laughable - that is, if there weren’t the very real possibility that they could get elected.

Here’s how I see it. Stupidity is overrepresented in our current election process. Simply put, there are too many stupid people. Stupid people, on average, have more children than do intelligent people. Over time, this means the ratio of stupid : intelligent keeps growing. And, it means the probability of catastrophically stupid decisions being made increases.

Ideally, the left would just outbreed the right. But, since responsible, smart people don’t want to have a litter of kids, there needs to be another solution. The best solution I see is to have a weighted voting system. Every person would have a number that would represent their weight. Their vote would be multiplied by their number.

People could increase their numbers in the following ways:

1. High-School Graduate: +1
2. 2-Year College Graduate: +2
3. 4-Year College Graduate: +3
4. Post-Graduate Degree: +4

Of course, there are things that could lower people’s numbers, too, such as:

1. Birthed More Than Five Children: -1
2. Voted for Bush the First Time: -2
3. Voted for Bush the Second Time (when you should have known better): -5
4. Think the World Was Really Created in 7 Days: -10