Things I Say in the Course of an Average Week

A sampling of the gems that waft out of my mouth as a parent:

“Only grown-ups are allowed to take diapers off babies.”

“Mr. Monster, can you please leave? Gavin’s trying to sleep. Thank you.”

“Hands never ever go in toilets. Ever.”

“Mommy doesn’t want to say grace over her goldfish crackers. Mommy is a Jew.”

“No way am I opening your diaper to show you what’s inside, sorry.”

“How did this ducky get in the toilet?”

“Ketchup and blueberries are NOT a meal.”

I’m sure there are more I’ll add as I think of them. What silly phrases do you catch yourself saying to your kids?

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4 Replies to “Things I Say in the Course of an Average Week”

  1. Great list! Frightening how things just roll off the tongue, then you think, “Where did that come from?”

    Here’s a sampling of my most memorable moments while raising four daughters (as a single dad for most of the years)-

    “I don’t care how pretty it is, you cannot wear Aunt Freda’s Star of David to mass!”

    “Don’t kill your sister, please!”

    “First one to get hurt gets a spanking.”

    “Don’t swim out any farther than what you can swim back.”

    “Your breath stinks; did you lodge something in your sinuses again or do you need to brush your teeth?”

    “What are maxipads? Get off that isle, horrible monsters lurk there!”

    “When you know everything too, you’ll get promoted to dad.”

    “If you can’t tell if it fits or not, ask the dressing room lady.”

  2. Oh man, I constantly catch myself saying things that I never thought I would say. Things like, “Go put some pants on. Stop running with scissors. If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?”

    Stuff like that.

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